Which one is faster, a Fox or a Rabbit?

Surely a Fox can catch a Rabbit easily…  No?

The Fox is a predator, he’s fast, smart, and he’s chasing his dinner, surely he will catch the Rabbit? The thing is, yes, the Fox is chasing his dinner but the Rabbit is running for his life – I argue that the Rabbit will run faster!

When we want something, even if we really want it and we are going full tilt to get it, at the end of the day, if our wants are in competition with needs then the wants will always lose.

We live in a transactional world now, even when we talk about morals, being rights respecting and emotional intelligence, it is all with a view to a gain.  I doubt that there are any genuinely altruistic people in the world anymore – in modern, functioning society anyway.  As a society we have confused wants with needs and entitlement with appreciation.

As a society we live a life that we think, romantically, is based on achieving the best for all, the realist seems to be very different.  The world is run on obligatory reciprocity and debt.  Think about it, if you met a friend and you bought them a drink and they then left without buying you a drink back, what would you be thinking? Continue reading

A couple weekends ago José and I were in Amsterdam and being the socially adept people that we are we were chatting to a guy that we met and he asked how long José and I had been together.  When I replied to say “…just under two years…”, he seemed genuinely shocked that we still even liked one another.

Now I need to set the scene here, this is at an after-hours party, in Amsterdam so needless to say the conversation was never going to flow in accordance with my British sensibilities.  His next question was, “So have you guys stopped fucking and started meeting other guys yet?”

Continue reading

Living in fear…

I’ve noticed something about myself in the last few months that is entirely new and quite disturbing – I’ve become a bystander.

In a recent conversation; I reacted very strongly but also like a caged animal – as in, I wasn’t able to be cogent about my reaction and therefore a little voice inside me said “Leave it, let someone else deal with, eventually it’ll sort itself out”.

Bystanders, by definition, see something and yet do nothing – we become bystanders as a result of living in fear.

Continue reading “Living in fear…”

Suck Less

I can often be heard moaning, usually to my boyfriend Jose, about lack of time that I have and that I am so easily overwhelmed by the amount of ‘stuff’ that I have to do…  I am absolutely certain that I drive him mad!

I have noticed lately that I keep getting all stressed and ‘tick-listy’ about stuff and that is sucking all the joy out of doing things – most notably my walks with my dogs have become a chore, rather than what they are…  which is not acceptable in my world!

For the first time in ages, I called into work sick yesterday (I really was sick, but normally I’d do the ‘soldier on’ thing and get into the office) and I had some time to sit and reflect on things, there’s nothing revolutionary in this list but if anyone has a tendency to get even as remotely caught up in this cyclone that is life, this may help!

Continue reading “Suck Less”

I don’t understand…

You know, lately I find myself repeating, “I don’t understand…” to myself countless times during the day and seemingly more than I remember doing so before!

What I am finding lately, is that the general reaction to that statement, should I ever dare to utter it out loud that is, is one of fear and defence in the person that I am saying it to, or if is an idea or concept they are trying to explain that I don’t understand.  I really think that, we, as a society have changed the meaning of ‘I don’t understand’ from identifying that there is a knowledge gap to ‘That is stupid and makes no sense‘.  It’s really scary

I believe it is because in a world where the opinion is supreme, the ‘clap-back’ is King and we should all be able to shut down, express or even antagonise in 140 characters or less. Continue reading “I don’t understand…”

Where am I?

So yesterday Jose and I really talked things through (I didn't even watch Game of Thrones – but I wont pull at that thread right now!) and it really was helpful, and also positive… we seem more able to move forward now.

Naturally there were a few bumps along the way but all in all we were really civil and understanding about each others position.  I explained to him that I felt like his quasi-obsession with buying a house of house of his own was some kind of looming threat and he reassured me that isn't the case at all, he simply wants an investment of his own because I own the house that I live in.

It was all pretty run of the mill Wysteria Lane type discussion to be fair, I won't lie.  A part of me wishes that there was a degree of screaming and dish smashing but it just isn't the way Jose operates.  One thing that I did have to keep doing was saying, "See, that's not what I think I'm saying and I don't know what to do to make myself understood".

We kind of stared at one another for a second because it was one of those moments where we were actually back at point zero.  Neither one of us knew where to go but what we both seemed to realise at that moment is where we WERE!

It really got me to thinking…  I am totally focussed on work, I started a new job in January this year and it is incredibly demanding, I am on a huge target to re-do the bathroom, have the garden landscaped and change the kitchen up.  Jose wants to secure his investment for his future – these things are totally valid but what they mean is that we are not living in the now.

In all areas of life it is akin to impossible to go anywhere if you lose track of where you are…  think about it, in London, you need to get somewhere on, lets say the tube, yes you have a destination but we always have to have have a point zero, home base or whatever you want to call it so that you can map out your connections and plan your journey – the same thing totally applies in relationships.  Jose and I were totally adrift.

While we stood there it kind of dawned on me that we have is great and what are we doing, where are we?  In order to answer that I literally asked myself "Where am I?"

Continue reading “Where am I?”

Return To Sender…

So in the last two weeks I have been given feedback that has been so off the wall that it has really disoriented me and as it has turned out, because I am such a reflective person (read sometimes too damn reflective), on both occasions it happened to be that the people giving me this feedback were actually using words to describe that were indicative of their own situation.  Almost as though they were creating an environment or set of circumstances that would make their behaviour acceptable.

Continue reading “Return To Sender…”

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