So yesterday Jose and I really talked things through (I didn't even watch Game of Thrones – but I wont pull at that thread right now!) and it really was helpful, and also positive… we seem more able to move forward now.
Naturally there were a few bumps along the way but all in all we were really civil and understanding about each others position. I explained to him that I felt like his quasi-obsession with buying a house of house of his own was some kind of looming threat and he reassured me that isn't the case at all, he simply wants an investment of his own because I own the house that I live in.
It was all pretty run of the mill Wysteria Lane type discussion to be fair, I won't lie. A part of me wishes that there was a degree of screaming and dish smashing but it just isn't the way Jose operates. One thing that I did have to keep doing was saying, "See, that's not what I think I'm saying and I don't know what to do to make myself understood".
We kind of stared at one another for a second because it was one of those moments where we were actually back at point zero. Neither one of us knew where to go but what we both seemed to realise at that moment is where we WERE!
It really got me to thinking… I am totally focussed on work, I started a new job in January this year and it is incredibly demanding, I am on a huge target to re-do the bathroom, have the garden landscaped and change the kitchen up. Jose wants to secure his investment for his future – these things are totally valid but what they mean is that we are not living in the now.
In all areas of life it is akin to impossible to go anywhere if you lose track of where you are… think about it, in London, you need to get somewhere on, lets say the tube, yes you have a destination but we always have to have have a point zero, home base or whatever you want to call it so that you can map out your connections and plan your journey – the same thing totally applies in relationships. Jose and I were totally adrift.
While we stood there it kind of dawned on me that we have is great and what are we doing, where are we? In order to answer that I literally asked myself "Where am I?"
Continue reading “Where am I?”